


Something's Missing

by parka_girl



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 07:39:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8135812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parka_girl/pseuds/parka_girl
Summary: Kihyun is lonely, sort of and then he meets Hoseok (who has a boyfriend, but this isn't important until later, when it's extremely important).





	

Kihyun rides the train alone. It's too late, he knows it's too late, but he doesn't want to go home. It's not that he's unhappy, not exactly. It's not even that he's lonely. It's something else, something deeper and a little darker. Whenever he visit his parents they ask him about his relationships and though he knows they mean well, he can't ever give them the answer they want. There won't be a girlfriend, no fiance, no wife, no children. It isn't that he doesn't want to make his parents happy, it's just that he can't. At least not this version of himself. 

He tried, before he enlisted, and it was exactly the disaster he knew it'd be. And so now, four years later, two after discharge, Kihyun rides home to his empty flat. It's nice enough, he's lucky he got it at such a good rate. But it's empty ever since his last boyfriend moved out. Kihyun thinks that relationship had been a mess before it even started, but he was lonely and the sex was good. He knows he needs to up his standards, to look for something else, someone else, but it's hard and he isn't even sure what he wants. 

His life is like the train, he is just a passenger on it as the world goes past without him. His routine is the same: wake up, go to work, come home again, sleep. Over and over, day after day. He is lucky he likes his job, he isn't bored and the hours go quickly, but at the end of the day he has to drag himself onto the train, back to his flat, only to do the same thing all over again. 

It's a Thursday night when Kihyun misses his stop. 

He hadn't meant to, it wasn't that he'd stopped paying attention, it was more that he'd noticed it was his stop and just hadn't gotten off. He does get off at the next stop, stepping out into the heat and humidity of a midsummer evening. He's still dressed in his work clothes, slacks and a buttondown. He unbuttons the top two buttons of his shirt and instead of waiting for the next train, he ascends the steps into the evening sunset. 

The streets are crowded and there are people everywhere. Kihyun can't remember the last time he was around so many people not packed onto the train. He wanders aimlessly before finding a mostly empty coffee shop. He goes in, orders an iced coffee from a barista who is entirely too attractive for Kihyun to make eye contact and then sits outside on a brick wall near the shop. He sits there for an hour, sipping his coffee and watching people. When he finishes, he returns to the train and rides it home. 

The next day he does the same thing, even though it's a Friday. The same barista is working, but Kihyun's pretty sure he doesn't recognize him. Kihyun doesn't say anything and drinks his coffee outside again. He doesn't go over the weekend, instead he makes himself hang out with friends from university, people he likes, but they, like his parents, want to know when he's going to settle down. He doesn't have answers for them any more than he does for his parents. 

When Monday comes, Kihyun finds himself skipping his stop before he realizes what he's doing. The barista isn't there and Kihyun pretends not to care. He promises he won't be back Tuesday night, but even he knows he's lying to himself. He goes to the coffee shop at the same time every night for a week and half. It's Friday when the barista finally seems to notice him. 

"You live nearby?" He asks, making light, friendly conversation while Kihyun waits for his drink. There aren't a lot of people in the shop, fewer than the week before. 

"What?" Kihyun asks, distracted by trying not to pay attention to the barista. He drags his attention back to the barista who is watching him, expectantly. "No, I don't live around here." 

The barista hands him a drink, one eyebrow arched in curiosity. "Work, then?" 

Kihyun shakes his head, looking away, looking for someone to come into the shop and save him from this hole he's digging for himself. The door remains steadfastly closed and the few people in the shop are not paying attention. He looks back at the barista who is studying him. 

"It can't be for our coffee." He says, thoughtfully. 

"It's good." Kihyun protests, but the barista is right. Kihyun's gotten better coffee from the shop right near his building. But he doesn't go there anymore, he comes here. 

The barista is staring at him now, like he can see through Kihyun. His expression remains thoughtful and Kihyun struggles not to blush and isn't sure he's entirely successful. Kihyun looks away, there is no one in the shop now and Kihyun knows it must be near closing. He turns back, the barista hasn't moved. 

"I don't ... I don't like going home." Kihyun says before he can stop himself. God, he thinks, he sounds so pathetic and stupid. Just because some cute barista struck up a conversation doesn't mean Kihyun needs to bare his soul to him. Kihyun finally risks a glance at the barista who is gives him a half shrug. 

"I'm Hoseok." He says, inclining his head slightly. 

Kihyun swallows, forcing himself to speak. "Kihyun." 

"Well, Kihyun," Hoseok begins, "if shitty iced coffee and the bad indie mix on our sound system is better than wherever you call home, you're welcome here anytime." He stops and seems to blush a little, though Kihyun doesn't know why. "I mean, even if the coffee was good and ..." He trails off and then the door opens with a ding. 

Kihyun uses that interruption as a means to escape. He is both embarrassed at himself and thrilled that he knows the barista's name is Hoseok. 

He doesn't make it into the coffee shop again until Wednesday. He's exhausted, having had to work late Monday and Tuesday and barely slept. He drags himself in, not because he misses the coffee though he kind of does, but because he wants to see Hoseok. The shop isn't full, but it's not empty either. Hoseok is at the counter, preoccupied with a customer and doesn't look up when the bell rings. Kihyun tries not to shift nervously while he waits, trying to pretend he doesn't care what Hoseok thinks of him, if he's even noticed Kihyun hadn't been in. 

The man in front gets his drink and leaves, then Hoseok looks up. His eyes widen in surprise and Kihyun could swear that he looks a little bit relieved. Kihyun orders his iced coffee and while he waits, he can feel Hoseok's eyes on him. 

"You're back." Hoseok says, quietly so that only Kihyun can hear. 

Kihyun nods. "Work." 

They don't say anything to each other and Kihyun takes his drink and finds a seat near a wall. He leans against it, trying not to watch Hoseok and failing. He finishes the coffee, but doesn't move. He promises himself he'll go home in a few minutes, he leans his head back against the wall and lets his eyes close, just for a moment. The next thing Kihyun knows, someone's shaking him awake. 

"Kihyun!" 

His eyes snap open and he finds himself face to face with Hoseok, who is clearly trying not to laugh at him. 

"Sorry." Kihyun mumbles, trying to wake himself the rest of the way up. He looks at the clock over Hoseok's shoulder. It's almost ten and the shop's closing soon. "Shit." 

Hoseok grins at him. "You looked like you needed a nap."

"I ..." He starts then sighs. 

"Give me a few minutes to lock up and we can walk to the train together." Hoseok says over his shoulder. 

Kihyun nods, looking around. He sees that the shop is empty and cleaned. Hoseok must've cleaned it while he was sleeping. Kihyun would be embarrassed if he wasn't so tired. He shifts his attention back to Hoseok. To the jeans that ride low on Hoseok's ass, the shirt he wears that Kihyun now notices fits him well enough that he can tell Hoseok works out. He turns away, feeling heat on his face from a blush. He doesn't even know if Hoseok's into men. 

Hoseok disappears into the back of the shop, emerging a few minutes later with a backpack. He walks over to Kihyun, who is standing now, phone in his pocket, his own backpack on. "Ready?" Hoseok asks. 

Kihyun nods. He says nothing as they leave the shop. He waits while Hoseok shuts the lights off and locks up. Then they walk, probably too close to each other, toward the train. Neither of them speak, but instead of being awkward, it's a comfortable silence. Kihyun finds his mind wandering, but not toward the worries and loneliness that usually crowd his thoughts. 

As they wait for the train, Kihyun watches Hoseok watching him. There is awkwardness now and Kihyun wonders how he can ease it. He's about to say something when the train, his train, appears. The doors open and Kihyun turns to say goodbye to Hoseok, only to realize they're getting on the same train. 

"Huh." Kihyun says, mostly to himself. 

Hoseok glances over at him. "This is yours, too?" 

Kihyun nods without saying anything, his words lost now. 

They sit next to each other for the short ride to Kihyun's stop. He stands and turns, looking at Hoseok, who is watching him. After a moment the train starts to slow and Hoseok stands, pulling something out of his pocket. It's a napkin. He holds it out and Kihyun takes it without thinking. His fingers brush Hoseok's and freeze there, Hoseok holding his gaze. And then the doors slide open and Kihyun steps out. 

He stops on the platform, turning toward the train. He looks at the napkin, it has Hoseok's number on it and then back up. As the doors slide shut he sees Hoseok watching him and Kihyun smiles before he can stop himself. He stands there, even after the train is gone, before he can make himself take his phone out. He taps Hoseok's number into it and then sends him a text. 

_It's Kihyun._

He folds the napkin up and sticks it into his pocket. His phone buzzes as he's walking up the stairs toward the street. He thumbs it open. 

_Are you busy tomorrow after work?_

Kihyun stares at the words as he waits for a light to change. He stares at the while he crosses the street and then stops on the curb. Someone pushes past him as he thinks about his answer. He doesn't have one and then his phone buzzes again. 

_It's my day off and I thought ..._

The text trails off and Kihyun can almost feel the sudden worry that Hoseok must feel, the thought that he gauged the situation all wrong. Kihyun hurried texts back.

_I'm not busy._

He's never busy, he thinks with a sigh. At least not the kind of busy that would be interrupted by cute baristas asking him on what he thinks might be a date. Hopes might be a date. His phone buzzes again and Hoseok has texted him the name of a restaurant. Kihyun has been there, it's not far from his own flat. And before he realizes, they've made a date. They have a date. Kihyun has a date. With a guy he met in a coffee shop almost two weeks ago or is it two and half? He doesn't know. He doesn't care. 

He sleeps hard that night, in spite of the nap at the coffee shop. He dreams nothing he remembers and then barely pays attention to his work. He leaves promptly at five and jiggles his leg nervously while he takes the train to his flat. He changes into something more comfortable than his work clothes, but not casual. He walks to the restaurant early but there, standing outside looking as attractive as he had behind the counter of the coffee shop, is Hoseok. 

The dinner is awkward in a first date kind of way that Kihyun is comfortable with. They talk about their families, about university and enlistment. They talk about their jobs, all the things they haven't talked about the few times they have talked. And somewhere along the way Hoseok mumbles something about and ex-boyfriend and Kihyun does the same and the awkwardness and tension slips away. 

It is their first date, but not their last. Kihyun takes Hoseok out to dinner, they go to the movies, they end up at Kihyun's flat, on his couch. They do not fuck, but they come close. Kihyun can tell that Hoseok is holding back, that there is something coming between them. He decides that his relationship with Hoseok, in the end, will be like all the rest. At least this time there won't be any screaming fights or moving out. His neighbors won't have to hear him sobbing, it hasn't been long enough. 

They've been seeing each other for a month when Hoseok confesses. Kihyun had invited him over because it felt like the thing to do. Because he knew Hoseok liked ramen and Kihyun loved cooking it. He was standing at the stove and Hoseok was sitting on one of the chair, having turned it around, straddling it and leaning against the back. 

"Kihyun." Hoseok's voice cuts through the noise of the music from Kihyun's phone. He reaches over and shuts it off. Then he turns from the stove to look at Hoseok. 

"Yeah?" 

"I ..." Hoseok looks away and then back at him. "Look, I haven't been entirely truthful with you." 

Kihyun runs through scenarios in his head at light speed. Hoseok's not really into men, he has a girlfriend, he isn't attracted to Kihyun after all, he's leaving the country, he's ... Kihyun feels like his head is going to explode. He stares hard at Hoseok, unable to find any words to say. 

Hoseok looks at his hands and then back at Kihyun, meeting his gaze and holding it. "I'm ... I'm not actually single." Kihyun opens his mouth to say something but Hoseok holds up a hand. "I like you a lot. I ... I'm ... I have a boyfriend, Minhyuk, he ... he wants to meet you." 

Kihyun stares. Out of all the things he thought Hoseok might confess, this wasn't one of them. He stumbles over his words as he tries to get them out. "He wants to meet me?" 

Hoseok nods. "He. We have a kind of open relationship." Hoseok pauses and then stops. "No, it's not ... it's more like --" He bites on his bottom lip, cutting himself off, and in spite of everything, Kihyun finds it as attractive as the first time he saw Hoseok.

"Why does he want to meet me?" Kihyun asks, curiosity getting the better of him. He turns away from Hoseok, toward the ramen. He hears the chair scrape across the floor, feels Hoseok's hands against his hips and makes himself not lean into the touch, though he longs to. 

"He knows that I like you." Hoseok says soft, lips brushing against Kihyun's ear. "He ... wants to know." 

Kihyun turns and they are entirely too close. He almost asks, wants to know what, but there is a part of Kihyun that wants to know, too. It's not the same part that is pissed that Hoseok kept a boyfriend from him, but at the same time, being this close to Hoseok is intoxicating. He cannot help himself, even if he wanted to, and he doesn't want to. Kihyun leans up and he kisses Hoseok first, hard, biting at his bottom lip and then pulls back. 

"Okay." He says because he has nothing to lose. He has been alone and maybe whatever this is, maybe it is better than that. 

The ramen is overcooked while they make out in Kihyun's kitchen, but they eat it anyway. They almost fuck again, but they don't and Kihyun understands a little bit better now, why they don't. Not completely and he's still wondering if he's going to regret this, but he would rather know than not. 

"Tomorrow?" Hoseok asks as he's pulling on his shoes. 

Kihyun nods. "Yeah." 

"We'll come here." Hoseok says, softly. 

Kihyun looks at him, surprised. 

Hoseok smiles, reaching out and tugging at Kihyun's waistband, pulling him in to kiss him. "You can kick us out if you .. if it doesn't ..." Hoseok's words trail off and Kihyun can clearly see the uncertainty in Hoseok's eyes and he wants to understand everything now. But he can't, he knows he can't. Instead, he pulls back. 

"Okay." He replies, pressing a hand against Hoseok's chest before stepping completely away. 

Kihyun sleepwalks through work the next day, preoccupied by fear gnawing away at his stomach. He forces himself to work, turning his phone off and concentrating on one task at a time before finally giving up. He makes it until four and then begs out, saying he's feeling sick which he is. The train ride to his flat feels slow and he's too anxious to focus on anything except how slowly time seems to be passing. 

He almost wishes he'd stayed at work, at least he would've been able to keep himself busy. He tries to occupy his mind when he gets to his flat, but it doesn't work. In the end, he turns on the tv and cleans. He changes clothes three times, trying to sort out why he's so nervous, but there's no answer. Eventually, though, the time does pass and at six thirty, almost exactly, there's a knock on the door. 

Kihyun pulls it open and sees Hoseok. Nervousness, the same kind that's weaving it's way through Kihyun's body, is etched across Hoseok's face. Kihyun feels marginally better until he sees the person Kihyun's brought with him. It must be Minhyuk, Kihyun thinks. He looks beautiful, almost ethereal, with his dark hair and white sweater. Kihyun can feel himself start to turn in on himself, there's no way he can compete with that. 

And then Minhyuk smiles. His eyes crinkle and Kihyun glances at Hoseok, who is watching them both. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do or say, but Minhyuk speaks before either of them can. 

"I'm sorry." He says, smile still on his face, but his voice is gentle and light. "Hoseok ..." Minhyuk shakes his head. "Never mind. I'm Minhyuk." He holds out his hand and when Kihyun takes it, Minhyuk doesn't let go. 

Instead he studies Kihyun, the same way Hoseok did the first few times they met. Kihyun feels like he's under glass and Minhyuk is a scientist. Then Minhyuk lets go, he glances at Hoseok and nods before turning back to Kihyun. "You see," he says, "we like ... we like each other, we love each other, but ..." Minhyuk trails off for a moment and then grins. "We're missing something." 

"Someone." Hoseok corrects. 

There, standing right inside his apartment, Kihyun feels like he's missed something. He looks at Minhyuk, then he looks at Hoseok, and then back to Minhyuk. "Missing someone?" He asks, but even as the words leave his mouth he thinks he knows. His mouth forms an o and he turns to look at Hoseok. Their gazes meet and Kihyun can tell that Hoseok wants him to say yes to whatever it is they're asking. He drags his gaze away from Hoseok and turns to Minhyuk. 

In that moment, just as Kihyun pulls his gaze away from Hoseok, he grasps something he hadn't noticed before. There is a vulnerability to both of them, a fear. He knows, suddenly how they feel. He has been that person. He thinks about the questions Hoseok asked him, about the things they talked about. He studies Minhyuk, the curve of his neck, the angle of his jaw. There is nervousness behind the smile, there is anxiety. And then there is something else. Kihyun recognizes it because he's seen it on Hoseok's face. 

"I know it's not fair." Hoseok says, softly and somehow while Kihyun has been studying Minhyuk, Hoseok has slipped behind him. 

Kihyun agrees, it isn't fair. But he also thinks that if Hoseok likes him, and he does, and he also likes Minhyuk, which he clearly does, then maybe he should just trust him. Maybe he should ... He doesn't know what he's doing or why he does it, even when they ask him later. He feels Hoseok's hands under the hem of his shirt and Kihyun thinks, I ought to kiss Minhyuk. The thought pops into his head so suddenly that he just reaches forward, grabbing one of Minhyuk's hands, which are covered by his extra long sleeves, and tugs. 

Minhyuk looks a little startled. No, Kihyun thinks, he looks surprised, but in such a way that it makes Kihyun feel like whatever he does will be the right choice as long as it's not shoving them both out of his flat. And as he pulls Minhyuk closer, he knows he won't be throwing them out. He leans in and finds Minhyuk's mouth with his own. The kiss is hot, deep and he can feel Hoseok's arms under his shirt, around his waist, his mouth against the back of Kihyun's neck. But he also is kissing Minhyuk, who is kissing him back. 

They stand in the foyer of Kihyun's flat, twisted together, until Kihyun realizes they should pull apart. That they should eat. That they should do something. Minhyuk slips his arms around Kihyun, tugging at him and leans over Kihyun's shoulder so he's kissing Hoseok. Kihyun turns, slightly and he thinks oh, this is what it's about. This is .. his thoughts trail off because they're both kissing him now, Minhyuk's mouth on his neck and Hoseok's mouth on Kihyun's and he cannot think. 

Later, much later when they live together and Kihyun is the happiest he's ever been, he'll think about that moment. He'll remember how he thought they should eat, how he didn't understand what was happening and how he could've said no. He could've gotten mad. How it could've turned out differently, in any number of ways. But it didn't, it hadn't. Instead it was this, the three of them. It was coming home to both of Hoseok and Minhyuk, it was waking up between them, it was going to bed with them. It was how it was meant to be, from the very first moment Kihyun walked into that coffee shop.


End file.
